I have learned...

Have you ever tried to change you life?  Not easy is it?  

This year I have attempted to become more intentional with my life.  I have not been perfect.   I have learned many things in my quest to be intentional.  

I have learned it is better to own and admit my fears than to let the strangle me. 

I have learned to hold my tongue when there is not benefit.  

I have learned not to apologize when I was wronged. 

I have learned to speak in my truth.

I have learned to ask for assistance.

I have learned to admit ignorance.  

I have learned to dedicate periods of time strictly to my daughter.

I have learned to laugh and play with my daughter. 

I have learned to say no.

I have learned to say yes.

I have learned I am enough.

These may not seem much to you but to me they have been difficult.  Making my time intentional has given me motivation to look at the pieces of my life I was wasting energy.  It has opened my eyes to the possibilities which exist.  I than given more time and energy to do the things I want to do.

Be Careful what you wish for...

I try really hard to be a great mom.  To think of my daughter first and think of her future growth and possibilities.  This being said I work full time and my husband is home with her during the day.  So I face many obstacles in my track to be a great mom.  I have horrible Mommy guilt from being away so long. I am insanely anal so I tend to get upset quickly when things don't work out the way I want.  I have learned, especially in the last 18 months, there is beauty in the messiness of life.  

I am on a quest to potty train my now 18 month.  I want her out of diapers. She shows all the signs.  She indicates when she is peeing, she poops regularly.  She doesn't talk much but she does learn signing quickly.  I have set the date this is to begin so I have been reading.  And everyone said incorporate videos into her daily routine.  Videos which focus on Potty training.  So I did just this yesterday .  

Enter ELMO!!! We LOVE Elmo.

 

Now my date isn't for a couple weeks and I know I am pushing it with her.  But she has hated diapers for quite some time so I figured I should start.  Some how I don't think I communicated well with my little munchkin.  Because....

 She Woke up Naked.  No diaper, no pajamas.  Apparently she got she is a big girl and diapers are for babies.  

And Since She sleeps with ELMO

 lets just say Take that ELMO!!

 And so my day progressed to finding this in her play room.  Never done to not capture the moment I took her to the potty and sat with her.  And sat.  Then she got up and ran into the play room and peed all over the floor.

That is when I realized I should have talked to her about it.  So I sat her down and said we will be peeing on a potty on in your diaper.  When you are ready to pee on the potty you tell Mama but the diaper stays on until then.  And thankful this was the last time I had to mop up my floor for the day.

There is still time for potty training and we will get there hopefully this is the start of a good potty training and not a pee fest all over my home.

So I have gone back to what I do know.  Making her yummy healthy food.  And teaching her signs and animals and their sounds.  My dreams are not dashed but I have learned to be very careful what I wish for.

We have instincts???????

My first couple weeks of being intentional have been amazing.  I have been able to hone in better on the needs of my family and get this myself. 


I have had time to actually read a book.  Crazy right?




The book was about attachment parenting.  I read it because I like the author and not really for the attachment parenting aspects of it.  Some of it fascinated me, some of it I knew and practice and some of it I thought good for you but not really for me.  

Her attitude is what amazed me.  Her honesty about her choices and the true affects of them are what brought me to her and keep me coming back.  But her non-judgmental attitude really intrigued me especially as I read the book.  

She nailed on the head what I am trying to do for myself "Truly getting back to the basics is valuing the choices you have made, reaping the benefits of those choices so  you can be present with you kids, loving with your spouse and content with your life. "  

My problem has always been choices.  I thought everyone else knew better.  And there was definitely no exception to parenting. When I was pregnant I read book after book about parenting the proper way.  Sleep habits, eating, breastfeeding, what is going to happen when.  So many things.  I listened to my seasoned friends for their tricks and tips.  I always thought the "experts" were right.  You know what? Mayim hit this square on also "What is right for one family is not what is right for another."  

She explained she did what felt right for her and for her family.  How she learned to followed her instincts.    

I struggled with this a lot especially when I first had my little munchkin.  I followed what the experts said and there I was first night home with a screaming baby.  I mean a SCREAMING BABY!! 

That next morning I said to myself she needs to eat.  You see, I had read so much on breastfeeding I thought it was going to be so simple.  But here I was with a screaming kid.  So I pumped and feed her a bottle and she gobbled it up.  When I brought her to the doctor that afternoon she said she had lost a whole pound since she was born and she was on the verge of being hospitalized because of her jaundice.   I told the doctor what the many lactation consults had told me how she was fine just try it and it will be okay.  And she said what do you think?  I had a hard time thinking what I thought. But I knew.

I told her my baby was delivered early by planned C-Section.  I think what should come natural won't because she didn't choose when she was ready. 

She said you know best what is right for her.  So put aside what you were told and do what you know is right.  You see  as Mayim said our instincts have been buried and smothered.  We have been dismissed, mocked, ridiculed and slandered.

So I went home and pumped every 2 hours and put a bottle in my daughters mouth despite my worry about "nipple confusion".  I continued to do this for the week against everything I had read and everything I was told.  I attempted to nurse, I gave her a bottle and then I pumped every 2 hours.  And you know what?  

My daughter thrived.  She gained back her pound in less than a week.  She started sleeping for 5 hour stretches and didn't wake up other than to eat during the night.   She was the happy baby I had instinctively knew I would have.   And she did nurse right after her actual due date.  

It didn't stop there.  I was told things by people about how to get her to sleep longer, how to handle being social, what to feed her, when to feed her.  I wasn't prepared for the overwhelming advice people had for me.  I tend to internalize things and I always thought people knew more than me.  

So, one day I just started telling people thanks but I am just figuring out on my own what works best for me and my family.  It has been hard because my parenting style isn't how others felt or honestly how I felt before I was blessed with this little girl.  I have made people angry.  I have lost friends along the way but you know what?  I have made incredible friends by just being honest about how I was feeling and what my choices were.  In fact I have made best friends with my daughter and my husband.  And they need me more than others now. 

I have learned you don't have to be right, you simply need to be the best you can be. And Most importantly I know what is right for me and my life.