Embarrassment

I am the queen of embarrassment.  I feel everyone is paying more attention to me because of my body, because I didn't do my hair quite the right way because my outfit isn't perfect, they know it was cheap, even, dare I say, my daughters hair is crazy.   I am horrible with embarrassment.

The thing I am learning in my quest for a simpler life is nobody notices.  Nobody sees me as fatter than other people.  People don't notice my small imperfections.  I have asked.  I have gone to my closest friends and shared my biggest fears and they always say laugh and say they never noticed.  People tend to view your best qualities and not the horrible ones we notice.

My daughter has helped me the most with this.

 A while ago we were out with friends and there was a baby pool.  So I got into my swimsuit and played with my daughter in the pool.

I was horrified inside but you know, nobody screamed in shock.  Nobody thought anything except how great it was Callie loved the pool.

Lately my daughter has cried during her bath.  So I had a choice.  Let my body image issues take over or help her past her fear.  At first I was almost paralyzed with the fear to shower with her.  She doesn't think oh man look at mama's belly.  She is just grateful for a stress free shower.  And finally I don't even think about the shower now.  It is a time she enjoys.  She is moving past her fear because I moved past mine.  Now we giggle and dance and get clean together.

In this same regard.  I struggle with being goofy with my daughter.  She is a kid and doesn't care and loves when you just let lose and dance like nobody is watching.  And I do on occasion but look around everywhere to ensure nobody is watching.  My husband dances like a crazy person just because she laughs.

My daughter does not need to know what embarrassment is.  And the best teacher for just being you is in fact me.  I am faking it until I make it but I am doing it.  I am dancing like nobody is watching and walking with my head held high and know my assets are what people see.