I have had time to actually read a book. Crazy right?
The book was about attachment parenting. I read it because I like the author and not really for the attachment parenting aspects of it. Some of it fascinated me, some of it I knew and practice and some of it I thought good for you but not really for me.
Her attitude is what amazed me. Her honesty about her choices and the true affects of them are what brought me to her and keep me coming back. But her non-judgmental attitude really intrigued me especially as I read the book.
She nailed on the head what I am trying to do for myself "Truly getting back to the basics is valuing the choices you have made, reaping the benefits of those choices so you can be present with you kids, loving with your spouse and content with your life. "
My problem has always been choices. I thought everyone else knew better. And there was definitely no exception to parenting. When I was pregnant I read book after book about parenting the proper way. Sleep habits, eating, breastfeeding, what is going to happen when. So many things. I listened to my seasoned friends for their tricks and tips. I always thought the "experts" were right. You know what? Mayim hit this square on also "What is right for one family is not what is right for another."
She explained she did what felt right for her and for her family. How she learned to followed her instincts.
I struggled with this a lot especially when I first had my little munchkin. I followed what the experts said and there I was first night home with a screaming baby. I mean a SCREAMING BABY!!
That next morning I said to myself she needs to eat. You see, I had read so much on breastfeeding I thought it was going to be so simple. But here I was with a screaming kid. So I pumped and feed her a bottle and she gobbled it up. When I brought her to the doctor that afternoon she said she had lost a whole pound since she was born and she was on the verge of being hospitalized because of her jaundice. I told the doctor what the many lactation consults had told me how she was fine just try it and it will be okay. And she said what do you think? I had a hard time thinking what I thought. But I knew.
I told her my baby was delivered early by planned C-Section. I think what should come natural won't because she didn't choose when she was ready.
She said you know best what is right for her. So put aside what you were told and do what you know is right. You see as Mayim said our instincts have been buried and smothered. We have been dismissed, mocked, ridiculed and slandered.
So I went home and pumped every 2 hours and put a bottle in my daughters mouth despite my worry about "nipple confusion". I continued to do this for the week against everything I had read and everything I was told. I attempted to nurse, I gave her a bottle and then I pumped every 2 hours. And you know what?
My daughter thrived. She gained back her pound in less than a week. She started sleeping for 5 hour stretches and didn't wake up other than to eat during the night. She was the happy baby I had instinctively knew I would have. And she did nurse right after her actual due date.
It didn't stop there. I was told things by people about how to get her to sleep longer, how to handle being social, what to feed her, when to feed her. I wasn't prepared for the overwhelming advice people had for me. I tend to internalize things and I always thought people knew more than me.
So, one day I just started telling people thanks but I am just figuring out on my own what works best for me and my family. It has been hard because my parenting style isn't how others felt or honestly how I felt before I was blessed with this little girl. I have made people angry. I have lost friends along the way but you know what? I have made incredible friends by just being honest about how I was feeling and what my choices were. In fact I have made best friends with my daughter and my husband. And they need me more than others now.
I have learned you don't have to be right, you simply need to be the best you can be. And Most importantly I know what is right for me and my life.
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